Green Princess Still

I doubt anyone visits this blog

she'll still going to be my motivation
Its not easy to give up something i've been *nian*(sticking) holding on to for 4 years.
Dont blame me if i try to jio her after her poly finishes.
School first. She can reject me all you what. but i'm nian
I try not once not twice but i try it till i succeed.Cause she is still my green princess


Dont steal my motivation.
I cannot live being non-motivated.(not playing bass , not reading books , not playing cards)
4 Years... whats another 10?


Man ..
I like her alot alot alot.
And i doubt she knows the extent to which i do.
but so what if she knows?
I dont know what i can do to make her feel the same.


To me shes the world
To her i'm just another friend.

Funny how things work.
Life isnt fair. Yet we all preach about democracy and fairness.
It is a known fact that we all fail to admit.

Why are we humans so obstinate about the negative?
And yet we all claim to be optimistic.

Befuddling huh .
I know my priorities, i know what i want.
but i dont know what does she want?
how can i work for her?

Maybe , hopefully. In time...
I'll get to her. If 4 years aint long enough, i'll do it for another 10. If 14 aint long enough. i'll do it till i die.

Vying hopelessly for a place in her heart,
I shall perish. Unknown to the faults that i make.
Hidden from the qualities that i lack.

Time ago, Coco asked me
What if someone you really liked came by, what would you do?
Back then i was happier and very much more unknowing

This someone came by,
I was warned, i was told.
I never thought.
That i'll fail.

I put everything on the line.
but that everything wasn't enough to fill up the line.


Am i too crazy to be liked?
it has to be me.

I have what everyone wants, Toys , Gizmos.
but i have nothing that everyone needs.

I'm not perfect, But i practice. Not to be perfect
but to be good enough. Hopefully for my green princess.

She likes guys who can sing and play the gutiar.
i play my bass, but i cannot sing for nuts.
I guess i'm not born with it.

I'm not exactly good looking
i guess i'm not born with it.

Why do i have to possess qualities that she does not care about?
I may not be the smartest prick on earth.
but i am alot more determined then any of you.

I may not be the best looking
but i'm a shit load more dedicated then one with charming looks


She is too nice.
Perhaps the nicest and the most unique person i even met.
When will i be good enough?

...


Just as i thought.
I am a shell of what i used to be.
What made nian .. nian was well his determination and motivation.
Never unmotivated
never undetermined.

I'll be the asshole who cheers myself out.
The asshole who would ride alone on certain days.
Just to improve and tackle a curb.
The asshole who rides for hours in the vicinity of the GP's home
hoping to catch a glance of her.





My priorities.
I know what i want.
but i dont know what to work for what i want

No more no more

Ah , good that i've given up on the green princess.
Reading through what i've typed seemed irrelevant now.

Childish i was. hahaha, funky how i held on so dearly to something that caused me so much damage.

Mentally and physically (No i do no self-mutilate)
But in an attempt to forget i ride reckless-ly.


I'm sure i've changed, and reverted partially to that of the old nian.
I lost my love for her and so did my passion for riding.
or maybe , i rode for her.

i dont know. why did i do that for.
did i think that will actually impress her?

what happened to the genuine satisfaction i derived from learning a new trick?
i dont know, i dont want to know.

Come what may.

i've got a feeling i'm going to love whats coming for me.
I'm sure i'll be better then my dad.
but i cant wait to find out the new passions of my life.


I cant wait to find new stuff that i enjoy doing.



I see her msn, i want to talk but i don't
err broken english.
hahaha.

Yea!

i like the way it is now.
this is not denial, this is hope at its very minimal.
ok no more.
hhahaha chillax!