Funny how life likes to deal itself out to you in COMBOs.

But thank god .

I'm not sad. just disappointed.

Can you imagine ,

Having a girlfriend who looks down on you?

Someone who can never be your backbone.

Someone who never cheers you up.

Never convinced you that are capable.

Can you imagine ,

Having made tough decisions ,

To go or not to..

She bickers on and on about how she'ld be left out .

Never once thinking abt the greater good for me.

Can you imagine ,

Feeling all down and disappointed by your own father over and over again.

Then having your girlfriend be angry at you because

you seen childish to be disappointed.

Cause to everyone else,

I've what everyone wants,

However to myself,

I've nothing that everyone needs.

Some fucking day,

I'm gonna stop imagining i've a girlfriend.

and that day started YesterdaY.

I Dont need that comfort , of imagining that i'm important to someone else.

I dont need that comfort to allow me to be satisfied with who i think i am .

With who i think i am thats important to who i think is important to me.

For fucks -sake .

Wake up my bloody idea.

Let me be excited to know whats around that corner.

Time to fucking move on.NIAN......

I've always wished that i've a father.

I've always yearned for acceptance.

I want to be appreciated, i wanna be god-damn-ed special.

i wish i've a dad.

Who would be proud of me ,

Proud of everything i did.

Proud of me for who i am.

Instead of a father , i've a society defined dad.

A father who plays by society's rules .

A father who by society's definition is perfect. The best there is.

But how vague our society is ...

How is it not possible for once to acknowledge/praise me for the things that i do.

The things that makes me , ME...

Yes i know you care(for my safety)

But the whole bloody idea of me having you watch my bike videos or what not is to have your acknowledgement!

You can say you try your best to communicate with me, but what's communication?

How do we communicate , but you telling me about your business-es only?

How are you *supportive* by buying me things of interest ,but never there to see/appreciate me using them?

I brought you to japan , to nihonmatsu , to teamorange's drift track to have you use your phone all day.

I want to be fucking special.

If only i had studied, why would i want to study?

How would i be different if i'm just better?

So what if i scored lesser then my cousins?

Fucking common sense would have dictated that ,

To be compared is to be of the same playing grounds.

i want to be special , i dont want to fucking study for your dumb cunt piece of shit.

So what if u buy me all the cars in the world.

I'm only there to enjoy it on my own.

I've a living Atm and a missing dad.

I wish for someone emotionally real.

Someone my cow can never be.

I wnat to be fucking special.

And special i am ,

Only to myself.

For i'm a nobody amongst

the society.

Fuck you all, i'm special to myself.

and to my self i'll stay special.

Give me back my dreams , my goals and my aspirations .

I'm gonna live on my own.

I'll split ur skull open someday...

Alot less flowery language. lets just keep this simple .

Unfair , fucking unfair .

How i wish i can just relive the days when we jsut got together.

This really is some fucking nonsense.

Why the fuck cant i just let go?

A little too sentimental for good, shouldnt i think forwards instead of backwards?

I have no rights , i have no say and i long to be free one day! (ah ha! national day song!)

Well not really...

i have a choice .

And i know what i want . but i just cant fucking do it .

its a anyday anytime for her .

FUCK. NIAN! WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME?

sda

To lose when you dont give.

Nothing to lose little to win - fly bikes.

ha!

I SHALL STOP TAKING THE INITIATIVE
AND SEE HOW IT GOES

i must not lose.

how does it feel to recieve?

"stop being so nice as u might not be rewarded for that.
so what's the point when the answer to your question is always the same?"


I'm going to fucking die....

Major disappointment. and sadness at the same time.


Why do people think that i'm that shallow?
Arent they shallow to think that i seek much rewards for being plain nice?


Arrggh. If only she feels what sorrow i feel.
I'll be happy if she feels my pain.


Cause i'm pissed with someone. and that someone is the one i love so very much.



Fuck. Just be friends? (You asked us to be friends some time ago. but it seems that you never really even treated me as one)

And to think that i was so fucking devoted. to like you for 4 years and half.
Thanks!


Now she thinks that i'm blaming it on her.
HAHAHAHAHA.

I'm so fucking angry. i dont know what to do.


'

What what?!

Ignite


“You have succeeded in life when all you really want is only what you really need.”

Vernon Howard

What i want? is what i need. but what if i dont get what i need...



“There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day.”

Link-

So what are you doing today? for the important tomorrow?




"Complexity in emotions is like a foam in a river.It is produced by obstacles which break the smoothly flowing current. But so long as the vital energies are unimpeded, they produce no ripple on the surface, and their strength is not evident to the unobservant."

i relate.

A joker for yesterday

"Try not once , not twice but try it till you nail it. " - NIAN

wah sia. nice quote ah!

haha.

but

this aint biking
this aint card tricks
this aint bass playing.


Sticking to my old beliefs , i made multiple futile attempts.



Try not once, not twice but try it till i nail it?
yea. this time.

I'm not the best, but i was never part of the rest.

If i fail. once, and if i fail twice.
My methodology is wrong.


I try again and again.
Reading maths for a chemistry test.
It was of a totally different context.



Keep that mentality.
Change the methodology (Sia, rhyme sia. i can be rappper shiol!)


Not for her. but for myself.

Trash that goofy image.
For the world doesnt depend on a joker.

A joker is never around because hes needed.
A joker is around to fill up the empty space when there is one.

Lameballs.
but why prioritize someone, when you're only an option?
It really is blind huh?

But a blind men sees alot more then one who is not.
Because a blind man feels.


and btw...



THENNNNNNNGS~!
I rock


for now , for real. i'm going to change. for the fucking BETTER and of course. i rockED and im going to Rock even MORE.

thanks!