A joker for yesterday

"Try not once , not twice but try it till you nail it. " - NIAN

wah sia. nice quote ah!

haha.

but

this aint biking
this aint card tricks
this aint bass playing.


Sticking to my old beliefs , i made multiple futile attempts.



Try not once, not twice but try it till i nail it?
yea. this time.

I'm not the best, but i was never part of the rest.

If i fail. once, and if i fail twice.
My methodology is wrong.


I try again and again.
Reading maths for a chemistry test.
It was of a totally different context.



Keep that mentality.
Change the methodology (Sia, rhyme sia. i can be rappper shiol!)


Not for her. but for myself.

Trash that goofy image.
For the world doesnt depend on a joker.

A joker is never around because hes needed.
A joker is around to fill up the empty space when there is one.

Lameballs.
but why prioritize someone, when you're only an option?
It really is blind huh?

But a blind men sees alot more then one who is not.
Because a blind man feels.


and btw...



THENNNNNNNGS~!
I rock


for now , for real. i'm going to change. for the fucking BETTER and of course. i rockED and im going to Rock even MORE.

thanks!

Its about time my image/exterior matures.
because i no longer live for what i want, but I've found something that is very much needed to fill the shell of my self-fulfilling past.



Damnit, can i get any better at writing emo quotes?!

HAHAHA.

well. if writing is a form of release.
It aint true hobos!

Conclusions to completion

Arrived at a few conclusions. For one i cannot take back my mistakes or change the past. But i can take my experiences , the mistakes I've lived through, to better myself and others.

I gave my life to a fine lady , in a futile attempt to be whom she deemed fit as her life partner.

Why do i make her my priority when to her i'm just an option?
It really is blind isnt it?

She is to me

BTT? Passed.


Whoopdeedoo.
Man, Lots to do.
Exams are coming soon
My official ITP pay is 1.70 an hour.
Traveling to work = 2 ERP
BEEP BEEP 4 dollars. In other words , i work 3 hours to get to work
HAHA

Man, i dont want to work


WARNING : EMO SHIT.

Rather not start a new post.
Just add on to the one i made earlier today


I like her alot alot alot.
And i doubt she knows the extent to which i do.
but so what if she knows?
I dont know what i can do to make her feel the same.


To me shes the world
To her i'm just another friend.

Funny how things work.
Life isn't fair. Yet we all preach about democracy and fairness.
A known fact that we all fail to admit.

Why are we humans so obstinate about the negative?
And yet we all claim to be optimistic.

Befuddling huh .
I know my priorities, i know what i want.
but i don't know what does she want?
how can i work for her?

Maybe , hopefully. In time...
I'll get to her. If 4 years aint long enough, i'll do it for another 10. If 14 aint long enough. i'll do it till i die.

Vying hopelessly for a place in her heart,
I shall perish.
Unknown to the faults that i make.
Hidden from the qualities that i lack.

Time ago, Coco asked me
What if someone you really liked came by, what would you do?
Back then i was happier and very much more unknowing

This someone came by..


I put everything on the line.
but that everything wasn't enough to fill up the line.


Am i too crazy to be liked?
it has to be me.

I have what everyone wants, Toys , Gizmos.
but i have nothing that everyone needs.

I'm not perfect, But i practice. Not to be perfect
but hopefully to be good enough for my green princess.

She likes guys who can sing and play the guitar.
i play my bass, but i cannot sing for nuts.
I guess i'm not born with it.

I'm not exactly good looking
i guess i'm not born with it.

Why do i have to possess qualities that she does not care about?
I may not be the smartest prick on earth.
but i am alot more determined then any of you.

I may not be the best looking
but i'm a shit load more dedicated then one with charming looks


She is too nice.
Perhaps the nicest and the most unique person i even met.
When will i be good enough?

...


Just as i thought.
I am a shell of what i used to be.
What made nian .. nian was well his determination and motivation.
Never unmotivated
never undetermined.

I'll be the asshole who cheers myself up.
The asshole who would ride alone on certain days.
Just to improve and tackle a curb.
The asshole who rides for hours in the vicinity of the GP's home
hoping to catch a glance of her.





My priorities.
I know what i want.
but i don't know what to work for what i want...


I cant say these things out loud to whosoever,
So i 'll have to type them out here . only here in my blog that no one visits

What i am worth for what i hope

hahha, i was thinking about the green princess and the 4 years i spent.
it wasn't a 4 futile and fruitless 4 years.

I did so many things that prolly improved me as a person.

Ah, think back at all those things i did for her. cause i thought she'll like.
MADE ME A KICKASS NIAN!
hahaha. if only she had the capacity for me to like.Nah. not going to happen. never will.


i dont need sympathy.
i'm just reflecting.
Cause i admire my dedication
HAHA JUST KIDDING!

Ahhh.
I learn t cards so that i can impress her.
Practicing 4-5 hours on the first few months every night.
So that i can show her. somehow.



I picked up the bass , cause i heard she liked dudes with musical background.
Remember the scape gig. She was there after flag day. Standing in the front row donning PE shirt .
but i screwed up.
hahaha



Riding bike,ahhh.
I'll road near her place all the times in the hopes that i can see her.
balls. but still i do love riding bike. Its the only thing i did for myself not for her.
Balls. funky.

When there was a chalet coming, i 'll train extra hard so that i can do something and hopefully impress . Oh well.
I never did.
but i gained something. Skills that one without determination can never achieve.


I actually read up on self-improvement books
HEY HEY DONT LAUGH OKAY.
i was trying that hard.
hahhaa but it did help to a certain extent.
I"M SO GOOD. HOW MUCH CAN THEY IMPROVE ME?
HAHAHAHAHAH






I guess she made me who i am today
she made my
"blue eyes blue"- EC

Dedication?
Nah, more like chasing clouds.


Lets keep my fingers cross, that i'll find a girl who will appreciate.
the fact that nian kicks. fucking ass! WORLD CLASS!







BTW


http://www.crunchyroll.com/media-198698/MAID-Movie-Full.html

This show is fucking corny.
but fucking good!
hahaha.

Man , thai language sure is funny.
it goes well with their sarcastic actions.

HAHAHA!
watch it. ROFL

4 Years and counting

Man , giving up is much harder then it seems.
Even after a hopeless 4 years.
Doing how much didnt really matter.

But oh well, i'll have to give up.
She aint going to be mine anyways.

I'll stop chasing clouds.


hmmm.
Btt monday
Dad's birthday tuesday
Junhao's birthday weds
No school on thursday